I wouldn't have thought about it if I hadn't known that I had been "bullied".
After a month that he moved in with me. He changed the interior design of the house totally without asking for my opinion. I wouldn't mind though because I was too busy with my part-time studies and my full-time job. As long he was happy with it, so was I.
Neverthelss, there were some changes that I disagreed with him because I prefered it that way. The sofa should be put close to the wall with the telly in front of it and the telly had to be on a certain height. Maybe I still hadn't got over my ex. When I moved into the house, I tried to put things into positions as similar as possible to the old house I used to live with my ex in the city. Ross had no idea about it.
Ross insisted it and I thought to myself that I should just let him do what he liked because there was no point for me living in the past.
Asia was so hot that I had to sleep with an air-conditioner. Ever since he came, he wanted me to stop using it and sleep with the windows open. That might sound like a good idea that the whole house would become more ventilated. However, mosquitoes are always so fond of keeping me company. It led me sleepless nights. Since we were sleeping without an air-conditioner, he got rid of the thick duvet that me and my ex used together. I thought he put it in a box to keep it. To my surprise, I found it outside the bin and waiting for the collector to get it. He had been throwing away my stuff without my knowledge since then. I had no idea what else he had thrown away.
Asia was so hot that I had to sleep with an air-conditioner. Ever since he came, he wanted me to stop using it and sleep with the windows open. That might sound like a good idea that the whole house would become more ventilated. However, mosquitoes are always so fond of keeping me company. It led me sleepless nights. Since we were sleeping without an air-conditioner, he got rid of the thick duvet that me and my ex used together. I thought he put it in a box to keep it. To my surprise, I found it outside the bin and waiting for the collector to get it. He had been throwing away my stuff without my knowledge since then. I had no idea what else he had thrown away.
As I read, one of the abusive behaviours an abuser would exihibit would be destroying belongings. He always gave me the reason that I like to collect rubbish in the house. However, I think things put in a store room would not bother him much though. Why did he like to interfere? I would imagine this is the "normal" controlling behaviour of an abuser. I also looked at the cycle of violence of domestic abuse. Nevertheless, I think it would not apply to the situation here because he hadn't hit me (yet). I do think they are relevant because one would lead to another. The cycle is:
One of the steps in the cycle is "excuses". He would try to "rationalize what he has done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame me for the abusive behavior—anything to avoid taking responsibility."
Yes, he told me that I should not keep rubbish in the house - I troubled him for cleaning up my mess that I shouldn't have created. One would say to me, go and tell him "Nobody asked you to do that!" You wouldn't know what would happen had I said that to him. Well, if he was in a good mood, he would try to reason with my new arguments. Should I have more, he wouldn't mind to repeat the whole process of rationalisation. Yeah, then I would say to myself, I wonder if I were the one who was crazy.
To be continued...
